Midway through the birthdays.

I recall being a teenager and being chucked twenty quid from my parents, if i was lucky there would be a bottle of fizzy cider and a black forest gateaux thrown in for good measure.

There were times where my birthday was threatened with a strop, usually coming form me. Yes that was a thing, birthdays could be cancelled with bad behaviour. like telling your mum where to shove it or not tidying your room.

On these occasion's it was always touch and go as to whether your new age was going to happen again, and without the celebration attached would you ever get any older.. I mean if mum said that your birthday was cancelled because you had eaten the cheese she had put to one side for dinner, would that mean you would never be 18?

I digress, three kids, three birthdays, all within a relatively short period of time, i obviously only ever gave myself to my then husband within a short time scale. I wonder with bio rhythms were at play here. The ensuing disasterous planning did though mean that for two months of the year for eternity, or until i snuff it the beginning of the summer would be hideously expensive, where catalogues were the only source of gifts, and party bags were bought over a period of time after Christmas. I used to watch the rich mums that would be hiring play barns and think one day this would be me, meanwhile throwing garden parties that would entail a home made piñata attached to the bloody washing line. There was always that one kid wielding the stick that would give you the odd thought of "do i need to call the nspcc or something" You could just tell that in time they would be hanging down the shops in a hoodie pretending to be a gangster.

I digress again...

This year i have changed it up, there is no longer a credit card or a catalogue to fund their celebration of birth, there is only going to be twenty quid shoved in an envelope and a birthday cake to not eat, then leave on the side for the dieting mother to devour at midnight when everyone is in bed.

I am not even sure they still sell fizzy cider in bottles anymore, but i am not even entertaining it. i am preparing them for my impending old age, where I will forget their birthdays and wee on their sofas.

Adult kids.... they need training.