Menopause is trying to kill me.

Dear menopause.

You have been a part of my life for a while now, in some ways I have grown a little fond of you, there is a lot to be said for your hair thinning, and lack of the menstrual cycle albeit a kind of get your hopes up that it’s over.. to be bluntly reminded it’s not whenever you choose to turn the switch to unpause.

It came in handy last winter with the fuel crisis, I potentially could warm a whole room up with one spontaneous flush.. sadly flushes come and they go so it was only a temporary fix for hypothermia.

I love my new found issue.. which takes on many names, and prefer the instant relief to eating prunes, you know how you have enjoyed slowing my body down in every conceivable way, it would have been kind to have left that element off the agenda, but alas dear menopause, you feel the need to clog the drains.. if you like… I see no reason for this other than just pure annoyance and a potential for explosion.

You know how people used to spend a fortune on crocodile skin handbags… no worries there, even boots own brand wrinkle saviour is unable to win the fight you are creating on my skin, my skin is in a permanent ever progressing relentless slog of giving me the perfect skin to make an elite handbag.

I have aches in areas of my body i never really considered could ache, it’s a beautiful thing when you get a random pain on the inside of your left thigh, or your earlobe when you least expect it.. just adding to the excitement of what else to expect.

Sleep, who needs it? I’m learning not to, wandering through classrooms on a daily basis as a professional (kind of) whilst having slept for 3.5 minutes prior to waking up for the final time before work. It really is genuinely beautiful getting to see the sun rise whilst feeling like your head is full of Molton lava, I know what the poor souls of Pompeii felt, only in my head though. My legs and torso are yet to discover this delight.

Today you created a beautiful new scenario to add to my list of anomalies of the Change.. (which feels softer and gentler than the reality of this phase of my life)

My head became so hot my glasses misted up, whilst driving.. etna was about to erupt or the poor bloke in the ford focus in front of me was about to be rear ended..

Thank god my brain was not also in the beautiful brain fog you include in your package deal at this moment.. as it enabled me to have the foresight to not try and demist the windscreen but instead to remove my glasses..

Hey presto… I survived 😂

Can’t wait for tomorrow to see what other beautiful delights you and me will discover together.

Good night.