I don’t know where to start… daydreaming, or trauma response? What do you think?

Sometimes living in claireys world is manic, what I lack in physical energy I certainly make up for it with brain activity.

I'm not talking about being an academic, I'm far too lapsidasical for that title!. I am in fact talking about overthinking.

During a lesson today I was discussing with my wonderful learners about learning barriers, we all have them don't we?

They asked if I had any, I was proud of them for wanting the conversation to be as open and honest as it was turning out to be, and as ever I was honest with my response. I most certainly do.

As a child I was always being told I was a day dreamer, this was code for a child taking themselves to a happy place to escape the world I lived in. I know that now.....

What I didn't know was "claire's a daydreamer" would become a part of me that I never challenged and always accepted. Leaving me stuck with a title that was as dishonest as any label we give a child, to ease our minds about the impacts of our adult behaviours.

The problem with this is that the title became my reality, unchallenged and accepted by all, causing a childhood where acadamecaly I failed.

Daydreaming in class was a go to, part of me, part of my persona, leaving me falling behind with work and unable to catch up.

Daydreamer, such a lovely way to describe a trauma response that absolves people of blame.

When you pick it apart, which I did with the help of several different types of therapists in my mid thirties is code for someone that has the ability to take their mind to another realm when under pressure, the reality is it's part of a child that has had to learn to find somewhere happy to survive, starting with reaction and ending with it being embedded as an accepted part of a personality.

I embrace this part of me now with a new found pride of a little girl surviving in a nonsensical world, of finding a way to protect herself and I was able to finally explain to my children that when we are mid family banter that I'm not ignoring them, I'm merely sitting by a stream momentarily picking virtual daisies, and will reappear shortly after taking a small hiatus.

There is no shame.