Getting things into perspective.

I have been known to be ever so slightly panicky when I'm hit with "change" I always thought this was normal until I was told by a therapist that since my formative years I have lived with anxiety and not even realised 😂 I thought everyone's brains worked like mine 😂😂😂

This revelation has changed me more than any other revelation I've ever had.. and there's been many revelations trust me... understanding your mind and its workings is crucial to "getting better", I would argue that everyone has an element of their inherent being that can be improved upon, though it also seems as I continue my research into the workings of the mind that not everyone has the ability to see this.

There has laid my problem.. I have been a gazer of people and taught to see the good bits, that's my survival mode.

Ensuring that you only see the good bits is a very deceptive part of the brain, and one that creates survival. What my rather sluggish mind doesn't understand is that if we block out the bad bits... we are holding on to trauma, chugging away in our daily lives being happy, performing if you like.. all the while not understanding the buzzing going on creating your low self esteem, your lack of confidence and a never ending feeling of not being good enough.

There is purpose to me, I'm not just mum, wife, sister, I am a human being with a story just like everyone else. A story that has shaped me and one that has so many pages of self discovery that has enabled me to always see the bigger picture, and that derives from trauma.

So trauma isn't always a negative, but only when you see the start of the journey of what made you, you can you truly become true and authentic.

My husband once said to me one day when you realise who you truly are I'm going to leg it because I know you will come back as the feisty teenager I remember..

What he doesn't realise is that feisty teenager has never left, but I trust him so there no need.

Violence, emotional abuse is not a thing anymore in my life. He is only only ever feeding the true claire which he's always seen and knows, leads to for the first time in my life my acceptance of me.

Though if he leaves his bloody toy soldiers out one more time the beast may be unleashed ❤️❤️❤️